The Energy of Thirteen
There is a specific energy to this day—a frequency I truly cannot put into words. While modern society often treats this date with a shudder of superstition, viewing it through the lens of "bad luck" or "wickedness," I see something entirely different.
To look at Friday the 13th is to look into a mirror of ancient wisdom, feminine embodiment, and cosmic timing.
The Divine Thirteen
In Norse mythology and many indigenous cultures, thirteen isn't a cursed digit; it is a divine number.
Lunar Wisdom: There are 13 full moons in a solar calendar.
Biological Harmony: This aligns perfectly with the 13 menstrual cycles women experience in a year.
Completion and Renewal: It represents the transition from one cycle to the next—the moment of rebirth.
The "unlucky" stigma we feel today is largely a historical "rebrand." On Friday, October 13th, 1307, King Philip IV of France ordered the mass arrest of the Knights Templar. This political power move—a clash between the Crown and the Church—successfully tied the date to betrayal and misfortune, effectively burying its older, sacred roots.
From Venus to Freya: The Day of Love
We see the planetary connection in the languages of the world. In French, it is Vendredi; in Spanish, Viernes. Both are named after the planet Venus, the Roman goddess of fertility and beauty.
In the Norse tradition, this day belongs to Frigg, the goddess of marriage and love. However, Frigg’s sister (or often her "other half" in lore), Freya, is the one who truly owns the magic of this day. Freya was the practitioner of Seiðr—the ancient craft of weaving fate.
When Frigg’s day meets Freya’s number (13), we enter a space I call "Freya’s Night."
mericanDREAM: The Guardians of the Moon
In my music, DREAM explores these "affiliates" that society has cast aside. We see Bombay cats, black cats, and women who craft magic not as "omens of evil," but as powerful entities that serve the moon and defend the Earth.
In Norse mythology, Freya’s chariot was pulled by two large cats—creatures that grounded her energy as she moved between the spiritual and physical realms. While the "lens of society" views the witch and the black cat as negative symbols, DREAM relates to them as protectors.
We are reclaiming the shadows. We are honoring the cosmic timing. This Friday the 13th, we don't hide—we ground ourselves in the lunar wisdom that has been ours all along.
THE MEANING BEHIND THE PANDA AND LION ALBUM
There are two main characters in this album, a panda named Ozwelda, who is the ruler of Atlantis, and a lion named DREAM. To reveal; what the panda represents is foundation, and the lion—passion, energy. The panda's black-and-white coloring mirrors the colors of the yin and the yang, creating a visual correlation between the animal and the symbol. The panda’s colors are a duality between darkness and light, space and matter, which are inherently the foundation of the universe. The lion; colors of the sun that provides energy to the earth, symbolizes passion and love. They are needed to produce life and purpose. Yet, purpose alone has no foundation, just as foundation alone, has no purpose. To exhibit progress, both must exist in harmony.
To exhibit progress, both must exist in harmony.
However the wrong given energy provided would yield a broken foundation, which is the revelation of this album. The beauty of what is imperfect yet the pain it bears, like a thorn on a lion’s paw. In retrospect, I came out of a heartbroken relationship, losing someone I deeply care about. Originally, I wrote this album as a continuity of what our love was at the time. But since we drifted apart, I decided not to scrap the title and wrote about the beauty of our tragedy. Because of this imperfect, overzealous and unjust society, the panda and the lion could not exist in harmony.
I composed certain offputting, disconcert elements for this love musical. In one piano piece, from a song I titled, Hit or Miss, I abruptly played a G# and A# together, then later on, bedazzled with the notes C and B. These ostracized combinations of sounds should remind the listener of the tug-a-war arrangement between the panda and the lion—Ozwelda and DREAM. Still, these notes played within this overcast of a piano piece gives it a little more character and texture with a hint of grace. The first listen is unpredictable, yet it is certainly not boring.
I’ve worked on this project—since July—going through numerous transitions in my personal life. Any chance I get working on this, I take clear advantage. A little challenging when work demands more of my attention, knowing that trains and its alignment are always in need of some TLC.
The album is not limited to just the duality between Ozwelda and DREAM, it features the duality between Annie the Bombay witch, and Dorothy and her dog, Toto. Annie is a black cat that represents wisdom, draped in the colors of green and black. There is reverence between Ozwelda and Annie, both hold great wisdom and determination. Annie is a great general under the ruler of the emerald Atlantis. Representing youth and bliss—yet elegant—Dorothy wears a sky blue and creamy white school dress. Admiration exists between Ozwelda and Dorothy, both who seek to cultivate feng shui throughout the land.
DREAM though… among Ozwelda and Annie there is a disconnect. To symbolize this absent connection, where wrong passion renders a bad foundation, the knowledge acquired was how to practice incorrect actions. DREAM is the input on producing wrong actions, even though his intentions were good.
An Electric vibe
A new era. For me. I see green and serene, freshness that changes energy—from pretentious to actual vibrancy. What do I mean? There is a stigma that overshadows anything I say or do, and reaching maturity, it means I can’t continue to move against the grain. I have to accept it. Doesn't mean I have to embrace it or try to continue on appeasing what others might believe. It just means, some things are out of my control, yet the only control I have is how I respond to it. Why get upset? Things are the way they are.
I’ve been working on my newest album and I am pumped. The Panda Empress & Lion King’s Lovestory will debut on my channel off YouTube, October 27th, 2025. There was a sound I was looking for, and I found it. An ancient and familiar sound forged by the gods of rock themselves—that sound—the electric guitar. However, it is played by an acoustic guitar, since I don’t own an electric guitar or an amp. I use a plug in that synthesizes its power and distortion. It will be the key ingredient for this upcoming album. When resources are limited, such as not owning an electric guitar, I have to improvise—be creative.
The direction I want to go with this project reflects where I am in my thirty-fourth year of life. Though I am constantly under construction, improvement needed here and there, and at times there is progress met with disappointment, I know I’m where I’m supposed to be. I moved back to the city of Golden in Colorado, where I still continue to work in the service of public transportation in the heavy rail side of it. I feel somewhat tarnished and incomplete. However, I know it’s okay because I am putting the work on improvement. I keep a healthy lifestyle by staying active and going to therapy. I analyze the day, and see if the next agenda lines up with my core values. Though my strength is not being socially active, I am considerate and thoughtful in showing manners when business is conducted with others.
As for my lovelife, the record shows it’s been a mix of a hiatus met with star-crossed encounters. A doomed fate. Women I’ve been with, fell in love—passion like no other—love that is met with disappointment. I wish I had the ability to understand women, at least the women I am interested in. It seems my love language is touch and when there is contact, such as during sex, there is clarity on what is being conveyed. The body speaks. When hidden affirmation is spoken through words, such as flirting, it goes way over my head. Or I am just so consumed in what I have in my mind which differs from theirs. I get they have needs, and naturally women want a partner that provides. Unfortunately, the communication on that topic failed to transmit.
The vision for this album is to reflect on failed love and inspire passion from within. I will always believe in love. And my love for music—an electric vibe—maybe it’ll reach the ears of my soulmate.
Investment on Dreams
Mental paralysis. Sometimes the right words just don’t come in time for the right moment. Deep inside I’d be like, “fuck! Was I some kind of genius, now my thoughts refuse to process how I want it to process”. Writer’s block on lyrics too. It’s like my flesh has gone mutiny against the spirit. Who knows because it seems, the older one gets, the more of a blur the thought process becomes. I found this quote from the conversation Socates had with an elder very enlightening off the book Republic, written by Plato. “For, let me tell you that the more the pleasures of the body fade away, the greater to me are the pleasure and charm of conversation.” The thought of a rich conversation; full of rhythm and tone command, a pendulum of exchanged ideas given understanding, it warms my soul. Yet I wonder, will I grow old and accomplish this. Or is my mind to be in an indigo fog, decimated library shelves full of torn pages and rusted relics. Will I continue to speak nonsense? No calculated thought.
It’s cool to say still, I operate trains for a living. Two factors about that though, one very impressive and the other—ehhh—concerning. I operate through a heavy rail, at times handling a high volume of passengers with controlled speed and finesse. The negative, it’s 26 miles roundtrip of controlled territory requiring the same movements, with a very thorough concentrated focus. Now, exercising the same train movements, speech, and pressure of the alignment, five times a week for the past nearly six months will take a toll on anyone. It’s a respectable living—essential work—yet, there’s a cost.
It’s been challenging juggling between my professional life and hobbies. Occasionally, I strum my acoustic guitar as my heart vibes out. I record a few sounds and tunes, then spend some time rearranging my samples and patterns to produce that perfect—chef’s kiss—eden track. It takes time to manufacture quality content. Sigh. Though as the old adage goes, I have to make time.
Since April, I’ve been investing thousands of dollars in stocks, ironically to make only hundreds. It’s been a healthy and refreshing process though and it’s made me much more financially aware of certain markets. As Warren Buffet said, invest in what you know—I do that. Understanding the surface level of the stock market opens my eyes on how relative, yet how important money is. Especially in a world that is based on networking through content, it navigates the direction money goes. From my labor, the cornerstone of what my capital is, given time, the shares I constantly buy and trade, the fruits of it which is my net value, will grow. More money I am able to control, the accessibility—deciding on how I can spend my time.
I do take my physical condition very seriously. It is so convenient to live in a complex that has an indoor gym and I am extremely grateful to have had that for the past five years now. Working out sucks sometimes, but staying fit is so vital to being productive in almost anything.
Let's hope this phase of paralysis comes to an end. I aim to release more content and write more lyrics for my upcoming album, DREAMERS of EDEN.
Words into powerful mixtapes
Written November 23, 2021
Definition of mixtape, explained Matthew A Cruz style!!! It is an annual landmark on one’s life from the blueprint of the soul. Landmark shared through melodies and lyricism. The joy of capturing that desire & fire sound, is as discovering worlds. I’ve been inspired to share, to blare from the surroundings I’ve lingered through. My first mixtape, IINDEPENDENCE was recorded at the Main Branch of the Denver Public Library—yes a library. Wolves Are Very Emotional was engineered in Vail, while I worked at a ski/outdoor resort as a lift operator, a lifty. My third and forth mixtapes were laid out between two cities surrounding the Denver Metro area. I experienced a lot within the past five years, however these mixtapes present an allegory reality, structured by myths, animals and race—not just as an human-race, but my personal narrative on ethnicity and the color of the skin. Through these years, my alter ego, known as DREAM; I revealed a little about this whimsical character.
It takes a toll on my body and mind when I create music, however I feel a spiritual enhancement when I am finished. I feel as if I've been lifted to the heavens to scream my story. And it is fucking gloryous. I think my most dominant and creative talent out of the process on producing my mixtapes is my ability to mold a body of the story. In speaking of landmark terms, developing the concept of a story is like laying bricks on the ground—shit—it's deciding where you gon’ place your landmark (before it’ll even become a landmark), your building. And the decision making on what I’ll write about is made simultaneously with, what are my next moves in life.
It’s time to take mericanDREAM music more seriously. What does that mean? It means adding more of a production value to the next mixtape—put simply, the mix. I want to lay out an original story; inhaled by the listener, then after, them exhaling fresh thoughts. I want to add on, I feel I haven’t reached my full potential on storytelling—things haven’t lined up. Things. Things—such as my at the time experiences not lining up with the trajectory of the chosen concept. I feel I choose the perfect story to write about, but the content is weak. However, not only what I’m writing is weak sauce, its become bland. Personally, I feel there is magic from what I write yet the magic can have consequences. And when the listener inhales stale oxygen, it might cause damage to their spiritual brain.
Words are powerful. They’re the manifestation of thoughts, and its liaison between what you think and what you’ll do. I must evolve on what the message I want to bring to the world will be. Because it will be interpreted and granted by the Universe. I must evolve on how I’ll bring this message out. I am so good with concepts—years speaking. However, I’m so bad at my delivery.
I plan to share a new way of thinking when I am developing this story. Despite what a typical conspiracy theorist might preach, it’s time to serve my own personal agenda. I have a fuck-ton of work to do. It means I have to align the concept I want to write with the goals I have, overlaying on how I will operate. This operation will feature my ass on becoming better at scheduling shit too.