PRODUCER’S BREAKDOWN…

THE SETTING

The concept for IINDEPENDENCE first took root while I was reading David McCullough’s 1776 novel. Inspired by his craftsmanship, I spent hours in coffee shops trying to mirror his style while working on a project of my own called FIDELIS. It was meant to be a novel featuring Alena, a character from the oldest known galaxy at the time (z8_GND_5296). Based on my research in 2015, that galaxy seemingly defied the laws of cosmology by appearing older than the universe itself.

Here’s a snippet of what I wrote in 2015,

ALENA (RED HAIR AND BLUE EYES): KNOWN AS “THE GODDESS AND HER TREASURY OF LIGHTS”, HER LIGHT COMMANDED THE ANGELS AND WARRIORS (THE ARMY OF THE LIGHT), PROTECTING THE CHILDREN OF THE LIGHT. HER REIGN RADIATES IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE HOWEVER HER PRESENCE WAS IN THE UNITED GALAXY OF ANTE MERIDIEM (Z8_GND_5296: THE OLDEST GALAXY KNOWN TO EARTH, WHERE THE FIRST LIGHT (FIRST STAR) ROAMS).

At twenty-three, my own world felt just as chaotic. I was living in Minnesota, navigating a painful divorce while juggling community college and two jobs—receptionist by day, security by night. There were stretches where I lived out of my car or crashed on a friend’s sofa, just trying to find my footing. Eventually, I moved back to Colorado to stay with my aunt, but the unrest followed me.

Years later, while finding myself literally stranded in France, I decided when I publish a mixtape, it will be known as IINDEPENDENCE. Eventually, I decided to use two letter I’s in the beginning of the title, as a symbol of being a second coming of the declaration of independence but rather from a national standpoint, this—spiritual. When it finally dropped in 2018, it marked a decade since my first unreleased album (to the public), Virgo’s Night Fire. As my first project featuring my own recorded lyrics, IINDEPENDENCE represents a milestone I’m deeply proud of.

For this breakdown, I’ll explain several tracks and the process of making this album. IINDEPENDENCE—official release date, December 27th, 2018—at the time, I released 16 tracks for it, however, I made some cuts since then only releasing officially ten tracks. This year, I’ll release the YouTube deluxe which will feature an additional 4 tracks.

GARDEN OF LU

We’re all familiar with the Garden of Eden—the divine arboretum where God resides among His creations. However, I wanted my journey to begin in a different realm: the residence of Lucy, a variant of Lucifer. This setting, for my first track, Garden of Lu, creates an aimed concept; the play on Eden versus Lu, fabricating an immediate sense of allegory and mythology, and subversion. For the breakdown of this song, I will explain it in four key categories; Subverting The Fall, The Duality: Rocky vs Apollo, The Sonic Atmosphere: Walking Gracefully in Darkness, and The Narrative Climax: The Price of the Soul.

1. SUBVERTING THE FALL

[ONCE YOU REALIZE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, YOU’RE FREE. YOU CAN FLY.]

The track opens with a sample from 1993 film, The Good Son that acts as the thesis statement for my entire project. From my narrative, this spirit of subversion is embodied by Lucy—a recurring, shapeshifting character who, in this instance, from this sample I used, takes the form of Macaulay Culkin’s character. The sample I chose—ONCE YOU REALIZE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, YOU’RE FREE. YOU CAN FLY—one I first discovered from Kid Cudi’s 2013 album Indicud. 

THESE WORDS ARE THE CATALYST FOR MY ALBUM; IT’S A SHIFT IN PERSPECTIVE

It’s a more modern outlook on Genesis, where the serpent’s temptation on Eve with a certain fruit from a certain tree—the tree of knowledge that is—was a promise of perspective: “The day you eat out of it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Traditionally, the serpent’s promise is viewed as the loss of innocence, yet from IINDEPENDENCE, it is reframed as the ultimate act of autonomy. My prime focus for the listener is to reflect on Culkin’s line as the serpent’s promise—framing sin not as a failure, but as a terrifyingly beautiful leap into independence. These words serve as the catalyst for my album: a declaration of defiance against gravity, and a refusal to remain grounded by the Creator. 

2. THE DUALITY: ROCKY VS APOLLO

[THE ROCKY MIND OF THE APOLLO]

The first words I utter, the Rocky mind of the Apollo. A declaration in duality; between God and Lucy, a nod to the cinematic rivalry between the Italian Stallion, Rocky Balboa and the King of Sting, Apollo Creed. My rocky thoughts are as rigid and bumpy as the stones of the Rocky Mountains, formed in the shape of music as a tribute to the Greek deity, Apollo. Balancing the nature of the divine against the nature of the defiant, using the archetype of the underdog (Rocky) and the master (Apollo) to ground it all.  By introducing this duality, the project gains depth; we move away from a simple rebellion story and into something much more human and complex. This section moves from abstract mythology to internal human struggle, serving as a double-entendre.

3. THE SONIC ATMOSPHERE: WALKING GRACEFULLY IN DARKNESS

[MOZART’S PIANO SONATA NO. 11 (PART 1: ANDANTE GRAZIOSO, VARIATION 3)

Garden of Lu shifts into a synthesized piano rendition of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Piano Sonata No. 11 (Part 1: Andante Grazioso, Variation 3). Andante Grazioso; a musical term in Italian meaning, walking slowly gracefully. Mozart was around 27 years old when he had written this piece, and ironically, I was that age when I produced and published IINDEPENDENCE back in December of 2018. Produced using Apple Logic Pro, I intentionally increased the tempo to mirror the energy of the project, layering in cinematic sound effects and the distant cooing of an owl. In this soundscape, the owl serves as a surrogate for Lucy, watching from the nocturnal shadows. Hence, the Lu connection; by layering an owl (a nocturnal predator) over a Grazioso (graceful walking) melody, there’s a sense of beautiful danger. I actually first encountered this particular Sonata No. 11 in 2018 and was immediately drawn to its hypnotic, witty, and gravitating melodic structure. I knew then that I wanted this melody to become a part of me.

4. THE NARRATIVE CLIMAX: THE PRICE OF THE SOUL

From there, an atmospheric and a climactic build up, immediately following with some poetry. 

IT’S SAID GOD OWNS THIS TEMPLE YET CHILDREN PLAY WITH THE EVIL.

EVIL IS THE BAD CHICK NEXT DOOR I ALWAYS WANTED TO SLEEP WITH

THAT WHORE

I ALWAYS BEGGED FOR HER, ACT HEROIC

SHE YAWNED EVEN AFTER THE MARINE CORPS

WHAT MORE OF! 

SHE WHISPERED TO MY EAR IN HER GRACIOUS SEXY VOICE

“IT’S YOUR SOUL I WANT, SON!”

The concluding poetry brings the Garden metaphor into the physical realm (the body). I contrast my body in the biblical perspective as God’s temple with the personification of Evil—a seductive, unimpressed figure. Using the word gracious here is a recurring theme to the Mozart piece Andante Grazioso. I wanted to imply that this bad chick has a certain elegant quality that mimics the beauty of God. And despite the heroic discipline of being a Marine, I discover that external accolades mean nothing to this shadow. The climax of this section is the chilling realization that Evil isn’t looking for a hero, she isn’t looking for service; she is looking for the soul itself. And as obvious, Lucy is the bad chick next door. The chilling realization—IT’S YOUR SOUL I WANT, SON!—restablishes Lucy not just as a tempter, but as an owner. The independence I seek comes with a heavy transaction.

FEATURING WAVS

I did sample the haunting cooing of an owl, and the humming, dolby buildup of a royalty free sample known as Time Machine. Both probably off YouTube. I kept Garden of Lu at a 170 tempo. And for Mozart’s piece, I use piano, then switch to harp to emphasize beauty.

EXPLANATION OF THE SECOND and THIRD TRACK

West Ghost and Hollywoo Marine were my next tracks, they were more of a personal touch on the life of being in the service. Lyrics I wrote such as, HEART AS A WEAPON CAUSE IT HURTS LIKE A PAIR OF DICE. YEAH, WE ROLLED A SEVEN. As a haunted warrior, exposing the duality of paradise: A "pair of dice" as a homophone for Paradise. Suggesting that the relationship I was in during that time in San Diego was a gamble—I rolled a seven (a win), yet the heart still hurts like a weapon. Even a "winning" roll in a fallen world leads to loss. Then the setting shifts back to the beginning: training at MCRD San Diego. In the show BoJack Horseman, the 'D' is stolen from the Hollywood sign, leaving a place that is famous but somehow incomplete. As a Hollywood Marine (those who graduated San Diego), I felt more like a Hollywoo Marine—a recruit performing a script of "summertime misery" while the world watched from the fence. Summertime misery was also a reference for Lana Del Ray’s 2012 album, Born to Die, off the track “Summertime Sadness”

Hollywoo Marine was the one of many songs featuring my friend, Katelyn Skye. We sat together in the quiet of a library studio, where she helped translate the raw strength of the human spirit into the encouraging lyrics that define the track, “You can bend, but you can’t break”

WEST GHOST FEATURED WAVS

It took a few takes to get the lyrics properly recorded. This project, all my lyrics were recorded at the Denver public library, the main branch near downtown. They had two studios dedicated to music; one, where you had to pretty much reserve in advance—sometimes days in advance, and the other, well it was kinda first come, first serve. During this time while recording for this entire project, I was staying at a girlfriend’s, taking an hour trip by bus from her place in Aurora to downtown Denver—the window was small for studio time—though I made it work.

West Ghost singing: honestly I was inspired a lot by Mark Foster’s voice, lead singer from Foster the People. I had to attempt to chum up and just try to imitate that high energy in my own work. [Did she take a piece of my soul].

Originally, the beat would’ve been different. Instead, I featured some organ and distant synth—sound inspiration from Spyro: The Dragon, Stewart Copeland’s captivating work that pushed my childhood imagination while playing that game. I included some steel drums to draw out that paradise feel and the accordion, to emphasize the French feel and certain lyrics spoken. [OCEANIC PARIS, PALM TREES AS AN EIFFEL] 

HOLLYWOO FEATURING WAVS

Katelyn Skye saying hollywoo was legendary—had to use that a few times throughout my discography. And Skye, saying Hollywoo in an Alvin the chipmunk’s pitch, had to add that in the instrumental’s hook.

I did have myself repeating left in the background of the beat—123 tempo— but it was so faint. It was an acknowledgement to when you march or do drill, the marine giving cadence would repeat left as the left heel of the boot smacks onto the pavement. Just as the trumpet playing in the background  during this song known as Taps; while I was in the service, the trumpet is used to signal the end of the day, which honors those who have passed away. We’d stand in the position of attention, saluting in the direction of the flag being lowered. Also the trumpet in this beat was neither recorded nor sampled, it was synthetically made through Logic Pro, where I positioned the notes to recreate Taps.

APOLLO 18

In an alternate, more hopeful universe, there is a woman—”her arm strong as Neil” —presses her neoprene boot onto the silver dust. Not only is it a giant leap for mankind, but a gracious new start for humanity. This vision came to life through a collaboration with Katelyn Skye on this track Apollo XVIII. But the journey began a year earlier, rooted in the legacy of David Bowie’s Space Oddity. Skye and I sat on that Civic Center Park grass and started our brainstorm process. In July of 2017, we released Astrogirl on SoundCloud—a response to Major Tom that yearned to give the stars a female protagonist. Just as Bowie released his masterpiece just days before the 1969 moonlanding, we sought to capture that same lightning, believing that Skye’s voice and presence weren't just performance, but a rewriting of history.

Apollo XVIII’s breakdown, I will explain in three major categories; Spacious Atmosphere, The Inspiration, and Lyrical Lore and Symbolism; Context and Meaning.

1. SPACIOUS ATMOSPHERE

The song begins with an eerie and haunting, yet spacious and heavy fade in, along with Neil Armstrong’s famous 1969 radio transmission, “that’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”. Then the piano gently marches through leading the theme of the song.

Apple Logic Pro, gave me the tools to construct an industrial feel for percussion. And the piano, just the reverb given, elevating a sense of purpose.

2. THE INSPIRATION

During that time in 2018, I bought this book and read it. James R. Hansen’s First Man: The Life of Neil Armstrong. The technicality and humility that book describes; a gathering of the American spirit, soon the world’s—launching the Saturn V, and landing the lunar module on the white dust. Apollo 11 was so inspiring, it helped me reimagine the Apollo program not as a closed chapter of the 1970s, but as a resurrected mission that fulfills the American Dream through a female lens.

3. LYRICAL LORE & SYMBOLISM; CONTEXT AND MEANING

The context where my lyrics—DREAM verse—begins with UNBEKNOWNST TO THE REAL, explores the blur between historical fact and the vision of the song. HER ARM STRONG AS NEIL, a direct play on Armstrong’s name, signifying her strength and earned right to his legacy. PILOT OF THE X-15, SPEED OF MACH 6.7 DWINDLED AS SKITTLES. HER SKILLS THOUGH REACH TO A MACH 6.9 October of 1967, a pilot reached the speed of mach 6.7 (4,970 miles per hour) highest speed ever recorded by a crew manned aircraft in history—remains unbroken to this day. My lyrics express Skye breaking that record operating that same aircraft in modern time. 

As I continue, I give a clear contrast here, the self-described "Tool bag/P.O.G." (Personnel Other than Grunt) trying to survive an enlistment, to the "Captain Skye" figure who represents the absolute peak of human achievement. As I am the artist known as mericanDREAM, in this song, the listener will notice I intentionally downplay my own presence.

4. THE VISION

Apollo XVIII is more than a song; it is a vision of a better universe. By placing a woman from Connecticut on the moon, the track explores what could have been if the glass ceiling had been broken during the height of the space race.

COFFEE SHOP

LIFE IS UGLY WHEN THE DREAMS ARE PRETTY. EL DIABLO LET ME KNOW IT’S WHY MY DREAMS ARE SO COLD.

The verse from this track, Coffee Shop, serves as the emotional pivot for the entire IINDEPENDENCE project. It summarizes why I retreat into Hollywoo scripts or that Apollo 18 downplay—because the real world (the "taco for the Mardi Gras") feels inadequate. I wanted to evoke the irony of sipping a tropical flavored iced tea in a place where everyone else is seeking the warmth of a hot cup of coffee. Plus for many years, since going to community college, I would spend a lot of time at coffee shops so it kinda made sense to write a song about it.

THIS THE TACO FOR THE—MARDI—GRAS. I’M A N***A THAT BE—LA DI—DA. DAYDREAM TOO MUCH ‘BOUT BRIANNA AT THE COFFEE—SHOP. SCORE A DATE WITH HER THEN DROP THE BALL. I’M NO RANDY—MOSS.

This stems from a personal chapter eleven years ago when I dated Brianna, a Starbucks manager. She was a sweetheart, but we drifted apart because she felt my faith in God wasn't strong enough. I dropped the ball there. Writing this years later, reflecting on those days in Minnesota, I had to reference the Viking’s legend, Randy Moss—known for catching everything.

THE MISMATCH OF IDENTITY (TACO FOR THE MARDI GRAS)

I am the "taco"—hence mixed with Mexican blood—attempting to celebrate a French holiday “Mardi Gras”; the final burst of carnival before the somber arrival of Lent. I wanted to create an image of Lucy (El Diablo) sitting beside me just before the echoing of forty days in the wilderness. It’s a final irony: I couldn’t even enjoy a splash of paradise because my heart had grown too cold.

The "taco for the Mardi Gras" is my metaphor for displacement. Describing a feeling of being the wrong flavor for the environment. By mixing my Mexican heritage with a French Creole holiday, I wanted to highlight a sense of cultural and emotional friction—the feeling that I am performing in a space where I don't quite fit in.

THE IRONY OF THE TROPICAL TEA

DRINK THIS TEA. MANGO FLAVORED TEA. MINNESOTA GIRLS. I WAS TOO MUGGY FOR ‘EM BREEZE

The coffee shop setting usually represents warmth, community, and waking up. By choosing tropical iced tea, I wanted to signify a desire for an island paradise escape while physically remaining in a cold, sterile environment. It reinforces the line "my dreams are so cold"—I am seeking heat (the tropics), but consuming it in an icy form, unable to bridge the gap between my desire and my reality.

Linking "El Diablo" (Lucy) to the moments before Lent is a very striking image. In the Bible, Jesus’ 40 days in the wilderness began with a period of fasting and temptation by the devil. Here at the coffee shop, I am sitting with my own demons, realizing that the ugly reality is about to set in, and the pretty dreams are moving out of reach.

BUT EVEN AS A LOST SHEEP, MY FAITH HAS BEEN RESTORED

SIP THIS ICE AND MEDITATE ON WHAT GOD WILL BRING

No matter how far my dreams are outta reach, as long as I extend my arm to God, He will be there. 

AT THE COFFEE SHOP. W. T. F. HUH? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I’M JUST THIS LOST SHEEP. WOAH!!!!!

WOAH!!! This very sample throughout my following discographies, I stretch and lower this clip into sounding like a wolf. This sound at the end acts as a sonic signature, suggesting that even in the quiet of a coffee shop, the "lost sheep" is being watched by something primal. This audio soon is the recurring Wolf sound—a low, predatory howl that echoes throughout the discography, signaling the return of the hunger or the haunting.

IN SPEAKING OF TROPICAL THOUGH

I did get to feature my good friend, straight from the island of Puerto Rico, Justin aka Black Shiva.

SOME OUTER SPACE SHIT. I’M GONNA TAKE IT BACK DOWN TO THE CARIBBEAN, REAL QUICK.

This is the actual introduction of Coffee Shop, where he kinda just emphasized, the mericanDREAM didn't end on the moon; it crashed into a coffee shop. And I’m not gonna lie, when Justin was recording, he was just kinda saying whatever from the top of the dome—I loved it—audio gold. And I decided to use his line as the start.

AS FOR THE INSTRUMENTAL

I wanted to keep the beat fairly simple, with some reversed pianos and some light percussion; hats, snares, and kicks.

MASTERMIND

I wanted to create a deep, heavy introspective piece. And all to working with Sean Ratliff aka SR Byron who hails from Minnesota, well this collaboration made it so. Laying with personal ambition, engraved with systemic trauma and a search for spiritual grounding. There is a clear tension here between the aspiration (the gold, the Maybach, the "poster bitch" status) and the ancestral weight (the slave ships, the water, the silver chains).

THE CORE MOTIF: WATER VS. FIRE

I BEEN UNDERGROUND DIGGIN’ NIGGA NEVER SWIM. WATER BEEN MY ENEMY SINCE THE SLAVE SHIP,

WATER I HATE SO MUCH. I’D RATHER HAVE MY SOUL ON FIRE.

GIRL WHEN I LOOK THROUGH YOUR EYES. I SEE THE BLUES FROM YOUR MESSIAH.

There is a clear relationship with water, and it is murky. Throughout the track, my verse or known as the DREAM Verse: Water is nostalgic but "arctic cold." It represents a childhood memory and a desire to "drown" in a different identity. From my interpretation of SR Byron’s 2nd Verse: Water becomes historical and traumatic. "Water been my enemy since the slave ship." This is a powerful pivot from a personal memory to a collective, generational trauma.

I do want to share from a book I read years later, Project 1619; “In August 1619, just twelve years after the English settled Jamestown, Virginia, one year before the Puritans landed at Plymouth, and some 157 years before English colonists here decided they wanted to form their own country, the Jamestown colonists bought twenty to thirty enslaved Africans from English pirates. The pirates had stolen them from a Portuguese slave ship whose crew had forcibly taken them from what is now the country of Angola. Those men and women who came ashore on that August day mark the beginning of slavery in the thirteen colonies that would become the United States of America. They were among the more than 12.5 million Africans who would be kidnapped from their homes and brought in chains across the Atlantic Ocean in the largest forced migration in human history until the Second World War. Almost two million did not survive the grueling journey, known as the Middle Passage.”

The Bridge I state, "I’d rather have my soul on fire." Well, fire represents the smoke, the struggle I can control, whereas water represents a drowning or a loss of self. To be said, in Western culture, the "Messiah" (Jesus) is almost universally depicted with blue eyes, despite his Middle Eastern origins. I wanted to paint that image, seeing the "blues from her messiah," suggesting that her beauty—and her power—is backed by a version of divinity that feels foreign, exclusively outside of me. The "Blues" aren't just seeing  color; I’m seeing the "blues" (the sadness, the struggle) that comes from worshipping or desiring an image that has nothing to do with me.

THE DUALITY OF "THE DREAM"

[DREAMS IN MY HEAD REALITY IS DEAD]

SR Byon VERSE I

BEEF I DON’T WANT NO BEEF YEAH MOMMA TOLD ME DON’T BE THAT FOOL, LOOK AT ME NOW, SO SMART, SO COOL.

NEVER BASHFUL NEVER FOUGHT FOR THE STONE THAT I THROWN AT A NIGGA GOTTA PICK ANOTHER BONE.

SKIN GETTIN’ THICKER GUESS A NIGGA ON HIS BULK.

SIN WHEN I’M WINNIN’ GUESS I’M HERE FOR THE SMOKE.

WHEN MY EYES LOOSIN’ VISION BUT I CLEAR ALL MY GOALS.

TONGUE GETTING BIGGER WHEN I’M TWISTIN’ UP THESE FLOW.

I’M GETTING BIGGER SOON ENOUGH I’M WEARING GOLD

TUMMY STICKING OUT IN ROSE MAYBACH YELLING OUT ROSEAY!

Refraining "Dreams in my head, Reality is dead" is an internal survival mechanism. In the intro, dreaming is a refuge from a reality that feels "crazy" or "lost." A nod to Coffee Shop, realizing that the ugly reality has finally set in, and the pretty dreams, vanished. SR Byron mentions the "Maybach," "Roseay," and "Gold."—classic Hip Hop come up.

During SR Byron’s first Verse; feels like the ego waking up. He adheres his mother’s warnings to a sense of growth ("guess a nigga on his bulk"). The wordplay with "Tongue getting bigger" and "Tummy sticking out" where he is physically and metaphorically outgrowing his current space.

DREAM VERSE 

MOMMA WENT TO GRAB ME WHILE I WAS IN THE POOL. SWIMMING IN THE PAST TO THIS I WAS NINE YEARS OLD.

A SOCALI BATH SUPER FACIAL ARCTIC COLD EVEN AFTER THAT I CRAVED FOR IT MORE AND MORE.

AN AUDIENCE IN NEED FOR A FIX YET WE AIN’T EVEN SICK.

HOLLY WOO D A MUSTANG OUT OF THE FENCE.

IN LURK OVER BLUE EYES SO I CAN JUST DROWN AGAIN CAUSE I HATED MY OWN SKIN I JUST WANTED TO BE A POSTER BITCH

In DREAM’s Verse—adds vulnerability The most cinematic part of the song. The "SoCali bath" and "Mustang out of the fence" an outlook on what Hollywood—a baptism that feels incomplete. At between nine to ten years old, if memory serves me correct, I almost drowned in the pool during our California stay. I believe I was the only kid of color and none of the people there came to my aid—’cept for my mom. So I wrote these lyrics as an adult with the intention of revealing Hollywood and how superficial it really is—though I crave its platform. And even after nearly drowning, I still enjoyed DisneyLand.

SR Byron VERSE II

I BEEN UNDERGROUND DIGGIN’ NIGGA NEVER SWIM 

WATER BEEN MY ENEMY SINCE THE SLAVE SHIP

MOMMA TOLD ME TO NEVER SAY SHIT, ACT LIKE THEM WHITE KIDS JUST TO FIT IN

YET I DREAM WITH THE VISION OF THE FUTURE 

YET GETTING GOOSEBUMPS EVERY TIME A DEJA VU COME

RATLIFF IN THE BENS WITH A POCKET FULL OF PILGRIMS 

YET I’M NO BETTER WHEN I CHILLIN IN THE HILLS MUM

The identity of DREAM: touching on the painful desire to fit in—"Act like them White kids just to fit in" and "I just wanted to be a poster bitch." Highlighting the psychological cost of the "American Dream" on a Black and Brown identity.

SR Byron’s second verse adds some roots. This verse grounds the song in history. It connects the "underground" (the rap scene) to the "slave ship" (the past). The line "Rap diff in the bens with a pocket full of pilgrims"—I must admit, what a clever use of imagery—referencing the "pilgrims" on the back of US currency while acknowledging the irony of achieving success within that system.

THE BRIDGE AND THE PRAYER

I TRIED TO BATTLE RACISM, SEXISM, OBJECTIVISM. [TOO MUCH GOING ON, THOUGHTS ARE A REFUGE]

The Bridge is DREAM’s mental breakdown. You’re listening to the "isms" (Racism, Sexism, Objectivism) as things you’ve tried to battle, but ultimately, lose.

EVERYBODY WATCHING THIS WEIRD AND OPPRESSED PERSON

WHO MIMICS THIS RED HAIR SATAN WHO’S PRETTIER THAN ALL I’VE BEEN WITH

The Red Hair Satan: A provocative description of Lucy. A temptation, a false idol that is "prettier than all I’ve been with," representing a distraction from my true self. Giving Satan red hair and blue eyes—an American, a rebellious feeling—I am personifying the very things that make me feel "drowned" or "oppressed".

NO REFUGE COULD SAVE THE SLAVE FROM THE TERROR OF FLIGHT. THE GLOOM OF THE GRAVE.

It is the third stanza of "The Star-Spangled Banner", adding a layer of sharp political and historical revelation. Most people only know the first stanza of the anthem; yet pulling from the "hidden" verses, let’s expose the darker foundation of the American narrative. The anthem is the ultimate symbol of the American Dream and the land of the free. But that third stanza—which is historically understood to be Francis Scott Key’s jab at the Black colonial marines who fought for the British in exchange for their freedom—I was in need to point out a hypocrisy. "No refuge could save the slave..." A devastating realization within this song. I am in need of "refuge" in my dreams and thoughts to escape a "dead reality,". The vivid testimonial song, Apollo XVIII, where Commander Skye shatters limits to the moon, as DREAM sits in a coffee shop with his demons. For me—an old American adage, there is no refuge.

So I immediately follow that doomed anthem with a Spiritual Prayer (Our Father), that asks for deliverance from evil. It sets up a direct competition between the State (which offers gloom/no refuge) and God (who offers bread/deliverance). It’s as if I am discarding the national identity to find a spiritual one because old America will never have a seat at the table for me.

TURMOIL

Turmoil was the first piece I ever wrote for the IINDEPENDENCE project. It dates back to late 2017 while I was living in New York City. At the time, I was a work-to-live resident of the Bowery, navigating one of the most challenging seasons of my life and striving to avoid homelessness. What started as a poem eventually became the song, serving as a raw snapshot of survival.

The song is a steady flow of consciousness, a fusion of spoken-word poetry that is raw hip-hop lyrics. It explores the friction between a harsh earthly reality and an almost transactional relationship with the divine. Turmoil is a landscape of "the rocky mind." It's the internal monologue of someone who has survived trauma and poverty by turning their struggle into a rhythmic flow. It’s about finding a sense of self-worth when you feel like an "evicted" soul in a world that wasn't built for you. Turmoil is about how DREAM, who is I—survived.

THE DUALITY OF EXISTENCE (LOVE VS. HATE)

LOVE, HATE, BEAUTY TO SUFFER. NUMB THIS PAIN.

INSTANT LOVE, HATE, ALL MIXED IN.

‘CAUSE LOVE, HATE, BEAUTY, PAIN; ELICIT THE MOST.

Mentioned three times in this song, these words, the cycle of "Love, Hate, Beauty, Pain", suggests a worldview where one cannot exist without the other. During this narration, I seem exhausted by this cycle where I beg, "Numb this pain", yet recognize that these extremes are what "elicit the most"—the catalysts for feeling alive and creating art.

SPIRITUALITY OF THE "HEAVENLY HOAX"

CLASP MY HANDS TOGETHER FOR THE POUR OF RAIN, SNOW, BRIMSTONE, DURING MY POST

AS IF GOD KNOWS, I’LL HOPE. PRAY FOR NO MORE.

AS WHEN GOD WROTE MY STORY, HEAVENLY HOAX

I’D STAY YET MY ANGEL NEGOTIATES. AN EVICTION NOTICE, A DEAL IN MOTION, WHERE’S THE GRACE.

A profound sense of religious disillusionment mixed with my desperate faith:

The Transaction: viewing life as a "deal in motion", a negotiation. The "eviction notice" from an angel suggests a feeling that my time is up or soon I’ll be forced out of a state of grace. In a world where it seems even the Devil, her demons get more grace than DREAM.

The Conflict: phrases like "Heavenly hoax" and "As if God knows" reveals my skepticism, yet I still "clasp my hands" for the rain and pray. It’s the portrait of someone who knows God is listening because there is no one else to talk to—knowing even the angels are laughing at my circumstances.

IDENTITY AS A "SOUTHPAW MISFIT"

THE WORLD IS IN CLEANSING, BUG. I’M THE STAIN.

BORN TO THIS WORLD AS  A SOUTHPAW MISFIT.

MOTHER, NO FATHER. LOVER, NO ALTER. LUCY CHAINED MY MIND, LOCK ME UP AS A MONSTER. 

NEED SOLVING, NO PROBLEM. M-SIXTEEN WAS MY SIDE APOLLO. 

THE ROCKY MIND OF THEE APOLLO. HEAD LOFTY RHYMES FROM COLO.

Again I define myself by what I lack and how I differ:

The Stain: the line "The world is in cleansing / I’m the stain" is honestly heavy. It implies a deep-seated feeling of worthlessness or being an anomaly that the world is trying to wash away.

The Outsider: being a "southpaw misfit" (left-handed/unconventional) and having a mother but no father, pointing to a life that started at a disadvantage.

The Apollo/M-16 Wordplay: a transition between Apollo (the Greek god of music/poetry), Apollo Creed (from Rocky), and the M-16 rifle, suggesting my "side apollo" (my companion, protector) was a weapon, transitioning from the intensity of military service to the "lofty rhymes" of the mind—Rocky thoughts from Colorado—an unconventional transition nonetheless.

DEFENSE MECHANISMS: THE JOKER

MIND AND POCKET IN NEED FOR A FIX, THESE TOO BROKE

THE WORLD IS IN CLEANSING, BUG. I’M THE STAIN. [I JUST WANNA WATCH THE WORLD BURN].

To cope with being "too broke" and "indifferent," I adopted masks:

The Joker Reference: "I just wanna watch the world burn" represents a breaking point where the pain becomes so great that chaos feels like the only logical response. The cleansing feeling of fire, an object truly pure.

MORTALITY AND THE "ROSE"

IF THE DEAL MADE THEN AY, SEND ME MY ROSE

AS GOD MADE MY FATE, SOON THIS FATE HE WILL CLOSE.

HA!!!

I wanted an end that felt final, yet slightly abrupt. The "deal" is coming to a close, and I ask for my "rose" (recognition, love, funeral flowers) while I am still here to see it. And then there was a sense of acceptance in the final "Ha!"—a defiant laugh in the face of a fate that is finally being "closed."

GOD’S APPLE

The last song of IINDEPENDENCE; begins with Mozart’s Piano Sonata No. 11 (Part 1: Andante Grazioso, Variation 3) going in reverse, then a percussion beat is queued, giving the classical feel mixed with hip hop grove. My poem follows.

MAMA SCARED WHERE SHE GONNA GO

I DONNO HAVE A MASSIVE EGO

WHEN IT SNOWS I’M IN CONTROL

NOT IN CONTROL MORE IMA SLIP THE SLOPE

GOD I NEVER THINK ABOUT, IMA FOOL, THINK ABOUT THIS, I’M A TOOL

HAVE THE PROOF COMMON BLISS NAH

MORE LIKE AN ANOMALY’S BITCH

CALL ME A PRICK. HEAVEN SEEN FROM THE TRENCHES

IMA MAKE SURE MY MOMMA ENTER IT

IMA MAKE SURE MY AUNTIE ENTER IT

IMA MAKE SURE I INHABIT IT

MEET THE FATHER TELL HIM LUCY’LL NEVER OWN MY SPIRIT

[JUST MY INTELLECT]

The "deal" at the end of this poem and from the first track, Garden of Lu, “she whispered to my ear in her gracious sexy voice ‘it’s your soul I want, son!”” shows a shift from surrender to negotiation. I wanted a sophisticated distinction. My intellect (my logic, my doubts, my worldly thoughts, my memories) could be compromised, owned by darker influences, an admission that my mind often betrays me even when intentions are in the right place. However, my spirit (my core, my energy, my soul) is untouchable because it is borrowed from God, just as my flesh is borrowed from mother earth. I did write this, which is not featured in IINDEPENDENCE, “God is everywhere, the devil is anywhere, yet do I really care since I am going nowhere.”

While an apple is a simple product of a garden tree, the grace of God can be found even in the darkest reaches. It is the inversion of the fruit that led to rebellion in the Garden of Eden—a new kind of apple that rewards deliverance from the Garden of Lu.

ALBUM COVER

Originally for my album cover, I drew a cassette tape—a drawing from 2011. However I changed my mind to where I was going to sit on the front of Colorado’s state capitol steps. Finally, during 2018, my mom and I were at Broadway bus and light rail station and they were doing construction nearby. I thought so am I—in reference to myself. So I took a picture of the concrete rubble. I wore a dark green shirt—in reference to the military—held an American beachball and had a Jack Skellington mask on my lap and sat on top of some podium and asked my mom to take a photo. Eventually I merged the two photos together that would create the face of INDEPENDENCE.